Day 6

Just a bit tired today. Nothing of notice to report. Thankfully, I'm not nearly as cranky or as sensitive as I was earlier in the week. Still feeling a bit insecure, but, at least not every tiny thing is getting to me. 

Feeling ok for now.... 

:-)

Day 5

Last night was really hard. I was incredibly sensitive to everything and everyone. It was embarrassing. I'm glad I was home for the better part of the evening. 

Today has been better...

I've been tired all day. Fortunately,  I have not been pissy in the least, just the kind of tired that you get right before your period (or on the first day) when your head feels heavy and you just want to sleep. The threatening headache is still there, but it has yet to come out of its shell and blow up all over my head, thankfully. I'm aware of its presence, but, it has stayed at bay so far. 

Also, my stomach/throat was in burning pain when I woke up, but, I think that may have been from dinner last night that included a lot jalapenos. I was really nauseous on waking, but a few tums cleared that right up.  

Did I mention that this cycle I'm not going to be doing any temperature taking/mucus testing?That will come in later chapters....much later chapters. This early part is mostly what I'm going through in coming off the hormones. So basically, it will probably be a lot of bitching. Heh. 

For this and probably the next cycle or two, I think we'll just use condoms 100% of the time opposed to the temp/mucus (lovely) checking... - as my body needs to get used to the no-hormones things and become more at home in itself again before it is regular/reliable enough to believe. 

 If you'd like to know more about the method I'll be using to figure out when I'm ovulating - pick up "Taking Control of Your Fertility" at your local bookstore. It talks about charting your temperature daily, and checking your cervical mucus to know when you're most fertile/not fertile. If you're trying to get pregnant, obviously you'd want to have more and unprotected sex during your fertile time...and for me, I believe we'll probably be abstaining on the few days around when I ovulate. There are other fun things we can do during that time ;-) I mean, of course we could use condoms during that time, but I dont know if I'm comfortable yet with trusting my knowledge of my body, as funny as that may sound...I might need to re-read that book about a 100 more times...

Ok, going to head out for now and just go close my eyes. 

Bye for now...

Day 4, p2. Crazy Nutball

Ok, I'm being a crazy nutball. I'm an emotional mess tonight. I'm sensitive toward EVERYTHING. I recognize it, but, its not making it any better. Sigh. I'm glad next week and the following I'll be in Georgia and Florida, so Eric wont have to deal with my crazies. 

:-(

Day 4

I had pretty solid energy until about 4, today. I worked out for 40 minutes and I've drank 2 whole bottles of water...working on my 3rd, now. Around 4 I started to crash and Miss Pissy decided to come out. I'm pretty sure that's not out of the ordinary, though. I mean, most people have an afternoon crash so I'm doubting it's 100% the hormones. 

Just feeling kinda down, tired and ready for bed.  Not feeling negative down, just quiet, pensive and thoughtful down...if that makes any sense. 

Had a reassuring talk with a girlfriend of mine today - who stopped taking birth control a while ago and says she has never felt more alive or more in tune with her body. She says her sex drive is revved up like it was when she was a teenager, which is a good thing. I'd love to have those days back! 

Going to go for now. Sorry if I'm not making much sense today. 

Day 3

So far....I have a threatening headache looming in the background... and stupid irrational emotions that are making me wonder if this was a good idea. 

I dont even want to admit that I feel this way.... but, I guess its part of the process of making it through. 

Its annoying to be so insecure. I hate feeling like I dont have it together....and being vulnerable at the same time. 

I worked out this morning, which is supposed to be a help for mild depression. Already finished a bottle of water, too...in hopes that it will help the headache. 

Sigh. This is only day 3. It's got to get worse before it gets better, I suppose. 

It's Time...

Ladies, 

It's time. It's time we take back our bodies and declare our independence from extra hormones raging through our system and reeking havoc on our emotions, sex drive, menstrual cycle, and bodies!  

Well, ok- its time for me, anyway. 

I've decided that after 10 years of being on birth control, that I can no longer stand having regular headaches, a low sex drive, and general unexplained moodiness. It seems that with every type of internal birth control I've tried, the only upside to using any of them is that I'm not getting pregnant. While that's sort of the point of taking birth control- I know there are other ways to avoid getting pregnant...without having to throw more hormones and substance into my mix than what I was naturally born with. 

For me, I am embarking on the method of Natural Family Planning (or avoidance in my case) - involving the nitty gritty details of checking my temperature every morning, and the status of my *ahem* cervical fluid. If that was TMI for you, this blog may not be right for you and maybe you should go look into the shopping, celeb, food or sports blogs, k?

I am leaving birth control for now, because I've been too afraid to try living without it thanks to fear of the unknown/fear of getting pregnant. I feel like I've just had this shroud of cloudiness over me for a while, and I'm trying to figure out what variable in my life it could be....I'm going to point my finger at birth control right now, in hopes that by stopping it - I will be happier. Maybe that's not even the real problem, and maybe after a few months I'll find that I still have headaches often, and that I'm still moody...if that's the case, I'll probably just go back on birth control. I dont think its evil or anything, I just think that maybe its not working for me right now.

For now though, my blog is about my experience in going off of birth control and it's effects on my emotions, sex drive, and my headaches. You see, the biggest factor in my husband's and my decision to stop taking birth control is due to me having headaches for 60-75% of my month. It's not worth the pain for either of us. We decided that we'd rather use a barrier method like condoms and have me be actually interested in sex and able to have sex (no headaches) than have me on birth control with a low drive and in pain to boot. 

Today is day 2 of my journey. It's Monday, and I would have taken 2 pink pills by now as I used to be a Sunday start. I'm pretty nervous about what my body is going to do and wondering how much it will really effect my headaches and em...drive. 

I already feel pretty crazy and I have a slight tease of a headache. I feel like I could cry or just fly off the handle with out a moment's notice right now. I'm pretty sure a nice bath and a glass of wine would do me well. I heard that your hormones go nuts for a good month to three for most people...so I should expect high-end crazies for a couple of weeks, and it should slowly taper off to occasional crazies as time passes. Yay! 

That's all for now. Stay tuned.  

Crazily yours for now, 

A Gal Seeking Freedom